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What’s a mom to do? June 24, 2015

The education system in America is broken, it must be. How is it that a child, a highly intelligent child, that just graduated high school with a true thirst for knowledge and whose main desire is to go to college to learn more, is unable go? And the reason being that, said child can’t go because the parents are new to the game, don’t have the prestigious contacts and the finances to send the child. How do we expect to build a better country if most of the people in the higher education system are there because they were told to go there, not because they want to be there?

As a parent, what do we want for our children? Ultimately we want them to be happy, right? And what do the experts say that makes up happy? Doing what we love. So it can be said that finding what you love and developing it your whole life would cause someone to have a happy life. Right? So what do you do when you have a child whose passion is learning? Well, you foster that passion like you would for the the child that has a passion for music, or soccer, or horses; you do what you can to make sure the child experiences all kinds of learning and continues to develop that passion.

This fostering of passions does not apply to only one child, but to all your children. Well, what if you have nine, like we do? Do you only do this for the first few? No, of course not. Well, at least, I thought not. But now I have to reevaluate. You see, it is my first child that has this passion for learning and now that he has graduated high school and I can’t give him the one simple thing he desires (to continue his education), I am thinking maybe we went about the whole thing wrong.

Maybe we shouldn’t have allowed him to explore his world to the extent he wanted to. Maybe we shouldn’t have let him just read the encyclopedias and dictionaries. Maybe letting him study a subject to his heart was content wasn’t a good way to go. We knew early on that this child was very intelligent. Using words well before his first birthday, singing recognizable tunes at a year, knowing his colors and counting soon after a year. By eighteen months he had over a 300 word vocabulary in two languages and had been speaking full sentences for months. I was told at that point I could easily teach him to read, but I didn’t. I waited until he decided he wanted to read. Which when he decided that, it was only a couple months before he was off and reading real books. But maybe that was the wrong approach.

Because he was so far a head and had this natural thirst for knowledge, we decided to homeschool him so he could develop this passion as far as he wanted. Maybe that was the wrong thing to do. When he took his first standardized test ever, he was not prepped or shown how to do well on it. He just took it and received a 97 battery (CAT test, 4th grade level, given at the end of what should have been 3rd grade). Maybe I should have prepared him, given him practice tests, shown him what to expect. Taught him concepts instead of letting him understand and learn them all himself.

When he asked for more formal schooling because he felt that other kids were starting to know more then he did, I found a hybrid classical school (two day a week) for him to give a try. With no formal schooling they put him in a grade based on his birthdate and a lower grade math. He did beyond well. On the Iowa testing that year he scored 13+ on all but maybe one area. He took the next year to do a few years of work so his grade would better reflect his level. Maybe I shouldn’t have let him do this. Maybe I should have let him stay where he was, or maybe I should have put him in a “real” school at this point.

Now he is ready for the high school years and we go with an accredited homeschool co-op, knowing full well, he wants to go to college so transcripts would probably be a good thing for that. He, of course, excels. His worth ethic and genuine interest in ALL of his subjects is nothing but commended by his teachers. He discovered his knack for speech writing and reciting those speeches, as well as his love of drama. The next year, the same, he continues to excel. Starts the year off with the PSAT, no prep and scores a 186. He decides at the end of the year to take the SAT so he can dual-enroll his junior year. He takes the SAT with no fancy prep course, studies for a week. Once again, as with all his standardized testing, no prep, he does well (1910 overall, 740 in writing). His junior year, he dual enrolls for science (college physics, receives an A) and designs his own English course as he continues to take classes through his accredited homeschool co-op. Starts the year with the PSAT, no prep, except for previous standardized tests, and gets just over a 200, qualifying for the National Merit Scholar honor. He applies for GHP (Governor’s Honors Program) in Communications and won at the high school level and represented our local public high school at the state competition. At the end of the year he takes the SAT again (increasing his overall to 2140, 740 now in Reading too) and a week later, with just that week to study, the ACT (31 overall, with a 36 in English).

At the beginning of his junior year he decided he wanted to attend a more intensive high school for his last year or two of high school. He had his goal set to get into one of the most prestigious in America, Philips Exeter Academy (PEA) in NH. Yes, a forty-six thousand dollar a year, high school. No he did not get in, most likely because they would have had to foot the bill, they knew very well that our family of ten (at the time) could not afford their school. But they did offer him a nearly full scholarship to attend their summer school that summer. Which we drove him to and once again he excelled. He took three classes, receiving passing grades in all and two with honors. He tried out for and received a role in the summer play and also participated in a sports program while there.

For his senior year, since PEA did not come through, we enrolled him in a local college prep high school. He signs up for four AP classes since he never had access to them before, as well as environmental science, public speaking, drama, chorus and tried to continue his weight training program on his own at school (which was stopped by the school within a few weeks unfortunately). He also decides to take two SAT subject tests at the beginning of the year (no prep, of course), one in English (710) and one in French (670) Not only did he excel in school and enjoy learning in all his classes, he also got to compete against other students from other private school in drama, chorus and model UN. He got a major role in the school play. He got to use his French for teaching kids at an international school, as well as participate in a French immersion weekend. He was inducted into the Thespian society, received an award for have over a 3.5 overall GPA. But did he graduate with honors? No. Should he have? You decide.

So here I am. I have this kid whose passion is to learn. He wants to go to college for Economics, a course he feel in love with his junior year. His love for it strengthened at Philips Exeter, where he received honors for it. He wants to work in the government, as a diplomat or what have you, and I can’t even send him to college. Although he fits the main description for most of the prestigious colleges, a true love of learning, he can not get into most of the colleges he has applied to. He can not compete with other high school graduates who have had eight or more AP classes, who are in the honor society, who have been trained to get good grades on the SAT, who have the connections and most importantly who have the MONEY. So I have to sit by and watch my son watch all his classmates from PEA and this prep school get into colleges he would like to go to and some he wouldn’t, with big scholarships that most of them don’t need and some of them DON’T EVEN CARE or appreciate. It breaks my heart to watch this.

We were so relieved when he would finally have some guidance for college, as we obviously knew nothing.  The college counselor at the high school obviously didn’t know what to expect with my son’s past experiences. He didn’t get into most of the colleges he applied to and the back-up school, he still remains on the waiting list. He wanted to go out of state; we were not told that would be nearly impossible to afford, so the colleges he did get in to are impossible to send him to. A $36,000 a year scholarship doesn’t mean much for a college with a $70,000 a year cost, for example. Since completing school my son has started applying to local public and private schools, giving up his dream for an out of state liberal arts school that excels in economics. Of course, he has gotten in with no problem, but all the merit based scholarships that he would have received are gone for the public ones and the private ones are still too expensive, even with the scholarships. The Hope scholarship will cover all of tuition, yes, but tuition on a public school is a fraction of the cost of everything else. And the Hope scholarship only covers a small portion of the private schools tuition. The bill will still be over $10,000 and my son can only qualify for a $5,500 unsubsidized loan. Our only option seems to be to do a gap year and see if he can qualify at these state schools for some merit based scholarships to help reduce the cost so he can pay the rest with an unsubsidized loan. A GAP YEAR for a kid who just wants to go to school and learn, truly, that’s all he wants.

So did I go about this all wrong?  Was letting him experience all ways of learning a bad thing?  Should I have put my child in the school system all along?  He would know how to take a test and get an even better grade. He would have all the classes his classmates had access to. He would have all the honors he deserves. His college counselor would have been better able to gauge where he could go to school. BUT would he have this genuine love of learning, the desire to really want to continue his education? That thing that all the top colleges are supposedly looking for.  Or would he have the same indifference towards college as most of his classmates?

I did my best to foster his passion, is that wrong? Now what?

What’s a mom to do?


5 Responses to “What’s a mom to do?”

  1. kevin Hikes Says:

    Not sure if you went ahead with the gap year, but I suggest creating a go fund me page for him and maybe publicize it on social media. Websites like facebook or youtube are really good for things like this. Your story would sure get some people’s attention.

    • You really think a gofundme would get some response? I am awful at promoting such things and at asking for money. You are welcome to try.

      Here is what we ended up doing. Since he desperately was wanting to continue learning, we put him in the cheapest state school around. Since they would like to attract other such scholars to their school he was put in the honor’s college and given a scholarship from the admissions office where he agrees to be an ambassador and is essentially in the RA training program. This pays for most of his room and board. His tuition is paid for through Hope/Zell Miller scholarship because of his grades. Unfortunately, it is still not free by any means.

      His first semester went really well. Not only did he receive all A’s, he also did a research project and was invited to speak at and present his research this semester at a couple of conferences, one in Las Vegas and one in NC. He learned that the professors are pretty awesome and well learned and he has lots of opportunities at the school because most of the students who go there don’t have the desire or ability to do these things. The downside is, of course being surrounded by people who don’t have his love of learning. Most don’t even care to be there at all. Not being able to feel like he fits in, as always.

      Everything was looking great going into the second semester. He had interviewed an gotten a really good campus job. He started his second semester already a sophomore and signed up to complete all his prerequisites so he could start the really “fun” research level classes in the fall. During his second year he planned to get published and transfer into another better known state school for his third year. The plan was to finish up with a degree from a school with a renown program in the field he wants to study.

      So a week into school and my son was in a horrible car accident. He did survive but with a traumatic brain injury. We had to withdraw him from school. He had to cancel his appearances at the conferences.

      That happened January 15th. He was rushed to the hospital where they had to do emergency surgery to remove the right side of his skull. Miraculously my son did not suffer any permanent brain damage that we can see. Just a really bad concussion. He has surpassed the doctors expectations on all levels. On February 26th he went in for a second surgery to replace the part of his skull that was missing with a synthetic piece that will fuse with the rest of his skull. He is already off all prescription medication now and looking to make up all the classes he had to withdraw from over the summer. Of course scholarships are not given in the summer so we have to figure out if we can even afford that.

      He has not lost his love of learning. He still just wants to be in an atmosphere of gathering knowledge. He is still the same kid despite the big Y shaped scar on the right side of his head.

      I still feel really bad that he is not in a place where he feels like he fits in. If only I could have put him in a place he belonged, he would have been at school and not on the road that day in January.

      Anyway, that is the update. Thanks for your kind words and please if you feel so inclined to share our story of the brokenness of the school system or even to make a page for my son to get a good education somewhere he will fit in, go for it.


      Amy H

      • kevin hikes Says:

        I’m so shocked to hear about this. Surely it must have been very traumatic for you guys. I’m quite relieved he made it out of it, and I’m happy that this wont affect his studies or progress in school. I will surely remember this story and will share it if the topic is ever brought up in a conversation, but really consider the gofundme page idea. After hearing this bit of the story, it would totally get him some sort of recognition. Your son seems to be very special. Would hate it if he ends up settling for less than what he can do.

      • Ok, I set up a gofundme page because of your encouragement. Can you please check it out and give me some suggestions or feedback. I have not shared it except for here.


  2. kevin hikes Says:

    Yay you went ahead with it! I would suggest rewriting the story instead of just posting the blog conversation we’ve had. You Could try and merge both your post and second comment together, so that you first talk about the education and financial problems you are going through and then talk about the accident. I think just posting the conversation we’ve had is just going to be confusing to those reading the story. Also make sure you share it on your social media accounts and your son’s as well to get as much support needed.

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